I Choose Us - Self improvement and motivation for women.

How often do you see Hollywood movies or storybooks tell a great story about two people that finally wind up together, and in the end they live happily ever after?  Isn't it interesting that most stories revolve around the couple getting together and so few deal with how they handle their life once they are together?

Many people today have a "happily ever after" fantasy that all they need to do is find someone and then when they do, everything will be perfect after that.  Getting together is often seen as the problem, and staying together is a piece of cake.

In reality however getting together is usually nowhere near as difficult as actually staying together, and one problem that many couples experience is that they often assume their mate will be perfect.  They don't know how to handle problems and disappointments because they think that problems should never exist and that you should never be disappointed or irritated at your spouse in the first place.

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Everyone needs to feel loved. It's vital to know how you enjoy being loved, but also how to properly love others. A doctor by the name of Gary Chapman became famous when he came out with a book called The Five Love Languages.

There is a basic breakdown of five different love languages to make it easier for us to identify how to express ourselves to our loved ones. Once you've figured out what your partner's love language is you'll be able to show them how you feel in a way that is fulfilling to them.

For example, let's say that your partner likes to hear the words "I love you" often. Even though they know that you love them, just hearing the phrase can brighten their day. But perhaps you thought that you should express your love by buying little gifts. Your loved one likely appreciates the gesture whenever you show your love, but at the same time it's not their personal preference of how they like to receive love.

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Addictions of all kinds can be incredibly difficult to overcome. When a loved one is suffering from an addiction, it can greatly affect you as well. Naturally, you don't like to watch them suffer and you're searching for ways to help.

The truth is that loved ones are usually best equipped to help because they're loving and trustworthy.

Here is a list of tips to keep in mind when helping someone with addictions:

1.    Help Them Make Wise Choices. Sometimes it's not so easy to make a wise choice for yourself. A pair of eyes on the outside may be just what your loved one needs. Suggest alternatives to their addictive behaviors. Make sure not to belittle or judge them but, instead, listen to what they have to say.

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If your relationship is on the brink of divorce and you'd rather not take that route, obviously you have some work to do.  It's probably taken some time for your relationship to break down to such an extent that you're considering a permanent change and so of course it's going to take some time to fix it as well.

Most couples that are near to a divorce wonder how they can actually avoid that step altogether.  It's true that bringing your relationship back from the point of divorce is critical, but there is actually another step necessary after you've moved away from that dreaded option.

That second step is to renew, repair, and strengthen those marriage bonds all over again.  These are two very distinct steps because typically bringing a marriage back from the edge of divorce means avoiding the negative behavior that got you there, whereas strengthening marriage bonds means all the positive actions that are going to keep that marriage strong as time goes by.

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Sometimes it's tough to come up with new and creative ideas to get you through the winter. Your best bet is to get together with your partner and make lists of things that you both enjoy. Then compare lists and see where you two meet up.

If you'd like to keep expenses to a minimum, the good news is that there are plenty of ways to have an excellent time without spending a dime.

Consider the following ideas as you build your list:

1.    Cuddle. Sometimes when you're both busy, you may forget how good it feels to cuddle up to each other and relax. It's a great activity to enjoy when things have been stressful and you just need a calm break.

2.    Go to the mall. You don't have to spend money when you go to the mall, although it may be tempting. Walking the mall can be a great way to get out of the house without having to worry about the cold weather.

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The good news about marriage today is that divorce rates are down.  The bad news is that an increasing number of marriages are unhappy.  Couples endure an unhappy marriage for a number of reasons but excuses usually include the children or they just hate to admit defeat.

Marriages rarely die an immediate death.  It’s like the guy in a movie who’s shot several times but refuses to die.  He stumbles and falls half a dozen times and just when you think he’s fallen for the last time, he gets up again and reaches out for help.  

Many times this describes an unhappy marriage that hurts the husband and wife while they stumble and fall back but manage to hang on for one reason or another refusing to give up.

In very limited and extenuating circumstances, divorce could an alternative but only you and your spouse can determine that.  If getting a divorce is the decision, the sooner you deal with it the better.  You’ll become more emotionally stable and able to cope with the situation.  Divorces can be devastating on the entire family, especially the kids.

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After the wedding, the next thing to look forward to is the honeymoon night. During the more conservative times, there were always a lot of things to get ready for during the honeymoon night. In this day and age, both the bride and groom may also have a lot of things to look forward to. Nowadays, when having sex before a person gets married seems to be the norm, you might think that there is nothing more to look forward to. The point is to make the honeymoon night something that both of you will remember well into the golden age even if you are already both intimate with each other.

For The Bride

Most new brides like the idea of a romantic honeymoon night followed by a night of passion with her new husband. Of course, there are other things that one can do to make the honeymoon night more memorable. The new bride might like to give her new husband a gift to show her love and appreciation. Dinner on your honeymoon night can be taken in the restaurant or have it delivered to your room via room service. You might want to give your husband a massage to ease the tension of the wedding and at the same time bond with him. Other than a massage, you could start your honeymoon night with a warm, leisurely bath together.

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Ready for a divorce?  Looking forward to getting a divorce?  Think that divorce is your only option?

If you answered yes, Yes, and YES…you are not alone.  Many couples feel that divorce may be the only option for the marital problems they are experiencing.  But nothing could be farther from the truth.

Divorce is not the only option for marriages in trouble.  You can learn to face those tough issues that are tearing you apart and you can learn fix them - quickly, easily, and with less work than you might have ever imagined! That is, if you let us show you how!

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